Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Why Do Alcoholics Lie To Others

Being an alcoholic myself, but now clean and sober for over two years I learned all the tricks of how to hide and lie to others about my drinking.  The question is, "why do alcoholics lie to others?"

When a person has become addicted to alcohol, some of them may hide their addiction from others for the reason of embarrassment.  I know that after many years of my drinking alcohol I began to get embarrassed to even go outside with a beer in my hand.  I knew deep down that what I was doing was wrong, and I say wrong because I would have a beer in my hand pretty much all day.

Don't get me wrong, I love to drink and have nothing against anyone that drinks alcohol, but in my case I carried it too far and didn't know when to stop.  I didn't have that luxury of having one or two drinks and call it quits for the day.  I had to get enough alcohol to cop that buzz I longed for each day.  Now sober and looking back on those days I was really foolish and a very weak person to say the least and never learned to say the words, "enough is enough."

As far as the lies alcoholics tell, they are endless.  I knew a few myself, but in the end I (we) are only lying to ourselves.  I lived, as many alcoholics live in a world of denial.  No matter what anyone tells us we don't believe them or care to listen to their ridiculous remarks on how much we drink.

People would come up to me and ask:
Why do you drink so much?
Haven't you had enough beer?
Do you think you have an addiction problem?
Do you think you are an alcoholic?
Can't you ever go a day without a drink in your hand?
Can't you go anywhere without asking if there will be alcohol?

All these things people would ask me and I am very sure they have asked these same questions to just about every alcoholic that people and family worry about and care for their well being.

After all said and done I still never thought I had a addiction problem at all and just thought these people were rude and didn't know me as they thought they knew me.  Man was I dead wrong with thinking that way that's for sure.

Here are some examples of my lies and maybe a few will ring a bell to other alcoholics.
I promise I will slow down on my drinking.
I promise to only drink on weekends and Holidays.
Please don't leave me I will stop drinking alcohol now.
I didn't mean what I said last night, I was drunk.
I only had a couple of beers.
No I didn't stop at the bar on the way home from work.
I promise I will quit drinking alcohol after this weekend.
I will not buy anymore alcohol I promise.

Maybe some of these lies will hit home to a few alcoholics and maybe you will have your own lies that you think you will get away with.  Believe me, we are only lying and fooling our self and no one else.

'Get out of denial and stop lying and making excuses for your addiction and your actions and lifestyle.  Man up and surrender to your addiction and start to live life like it should be lived and that is clean and sober.

When you surrender and stop the lying it will feel like the world is lifted off your shoulders.  I know it felt that way for me once I became clean and sober.  No more lies and excuses why I drink and now more hiding behind the bottle. No more feeling embarrassed of your addiction and instead feeling proud as hell of your achievement of finding sobriety and living a new and sober life.

5 comments:

  1. Thats a great piece. You are very strong to be winning this battle. After a year I realized the man I met and fell in love with wasnt just someone who liked to "have a good time" but was a functioning alcoholic. At the end he was hiding beer in his car from me. Many of the lies you posted above are things he's said to me throughout the year. Its truly a horrible disease and even though he begs me to stay, he has lost a good woman.

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    1. Thank you for your comment,but then it is such a shame the man you loved may longer be in your life and all because of an alcohol addiction. I too hid alcohol from my wife and family because I knew it was so wrong and I was so embarrassed of what I was doing, but still couldn't kick the addiction. You really need to be strong and have the pure desire to stop drinking and if it isn't in your heart to quit, nothing or no one will make you stop drinking. This is from my own experiences and believe me it took many years to finally get out of denial and change my life. God Bless you and please stay strong and believe that man you love will come around and realize as I did that you are worth more than alcohol. That is what happened to me as I almost lost everything including my wife.
      All the best to you and please stay in touch!
      Mark

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  2. Hi Mark. I came across your article and well I am looking for a way to forgive my husband of only 4 months. He suffers from depression. He has since he was a teenager but he hid it behind drinking and smoking pot. He felt ok as long as he was stoned or drunk. For 10 years I have known him and he has slowly plunked along in his lifestyle. Almost 3 years ago we decided to give our relationship a true chance. At first I thought I could handle his lifestyle but then I realized how impossible it is trying to be in a relationship with someone who was so out of touch with reality because they were drunk and stoned. I delved deeper into his reasons behind his drinking and that is when we discovered the cause for it. He went onto anti depressants and quit smoking and drinking. He had one slip up and I caught him smoking cigarettes one time and we worked through his stress and why he did it. When he proposed to me he said he waited as long as he did to propose because he wanted to be 100% certain he would not go back to that lifestyle so I whole heartedly agreed, but did say that pot is not allowable in my world and I will not tolerate it. He assured me that life was in the past and he was finally happy for once. We married in December and have been toodling along. About a month ago I had a work function and it was open bar. We did not think there was a harm in him having a fun night so he went all out partying. 2 weeks ago I came home early from work, sick, and I caught him drinking in the basement. I found hidden gin bottles all over the house and even a joint. I asked him to tell me the truth and he lied to me and said he wasn't drinking or smoking. Even though I had the proof! Once the dust settled he explained that he has been feeling incredibly low again so turned to drinking because it makes him feel better. I am just so hurt because he did not come to me, his wife, and say he was drowning. The doctor believes that the drinking that night at the work function off set the meds he was taking and that started his downward spiral. I am so angry that he was able to lie to my face and sneak around my back for such a long time. I figure that if he loved me he would not be able to lie to me or run the risk of destroying our marriage. I cannot find it in my heart to forgive him because I feel that his lies and sneaky behavior means a disregard to our marriage vows and promise of love. I don't know how to rationalize his lies or even start to forgive because although I know he has a mental problem that still does not excuse his ability to lie.

    K

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    1. K- I am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your husband. Taking those anti depression drugs and alcohol are not a good combination. I wish I could say something that will help, but he has to be the one that surrenders to his addiction. I have found through my experience with drinking that no matter what any one said to me I just didn't listen. I though they were all nuts. I had to surrender on my own terms . Here is a article I wrote on how and when my life changed .

      http://thecleanlife.hubpages.com/hub/A-Life-Changing-Whisper

      God bless you and don't give up K. Hopefully he will realize he has a problem and gets the proper help to get better.

      Mark

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  3. Thank you for your response Mark. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your experiences so that others can learn and try to understand/cope. Our household is not a happy one and I don't know if I can or even want to fix it because I feel betrayed and let down. I will read your article, I appreciate it.

    Thanks,

    K

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Thank you for reading and I hope these articles help you in your quest to live a clean and sober life.