I don't have all the answers, but I can tell you that my wife put up with me drinking alcohol everyday for years. Sometimes when love is so true and unconditional, spouses seem to just hang in there hoping for a miracle that the person they love will see the light and stop drinking alcohol forever.
In my case, and I am sure millions of people throughout the world, have had the same problem. They wish so bad that their loved one would stop abusing and drinking alcohol. They wait and wait hoping they will quit drinking and start living a life of sobriety.
How long should you really wait until you just give up on your spouse surrendering to his/her addiction to alcohol? I just think it depends on how much you love that person and how determined you are and want that person to see the light and stop drinking alcohol and get back to his/her real self without relying on the crutch of alcohol.
Life is so precious and we the alcoholics don't even realize what we are doing to the people that love and care for us so much. We are not only killing ourselves, but we are destroying our families and the ones that love us. Alcohol blinds us so much and runs our lives everyday, we can't see what we are doing to others,a and if by chance we do see it, we don't care because the alcohol tells us different.
WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP YOUR LOVED ONE STOP DRINKING ?
- You are helping your spouse by enabling him/her in their addiction to alcohol.
- You have to be strong and be able to say no, I will not give you any money to support your addiction.
- You have to be stern. but not so that you and your spouse begin to fight and argue over the addiction that is ruining your lives. I have seen, and have been there, when my wife would approach me regarding how much alcohol I drink and that I should really stop. I would listen as many alcoholics do, until the sober spouse has said so much that the alcoholic gets more upset and starts to drink even more just out of spite. It is a vicious cycle, day in and day out.
- You must talk to the alcoholic in a way that you make are making a strong point letting them know how unhappy you are and you want this relationship or marriage to work and not be ruined by the addiction to alcohol they have.
- I have found that talking in a civil manner helps more than screaming and yelling at your spouse. Be calm, but stern about your concerns of their addiction. Try to explain to them that they are ruining their health and destroying the love that they once had.
- I know from my experiences of drinking alcohol for years that no matter what a spouse says to the alcoholic, the alcoholic will never stop drinking until he/she is ready to do it on their own and not be forced into sobriety.
- I had quit drinking a couple of times just to make peace in the household, but over time when I felt that everything had calmed down, I felt save to start drinking again. I would start out with a beer or two and then BANG I went right back to old ways of pounding them down all night long. I am sure many alcoholics have done the exact same thing. To stop for awhile to just make peace. It will never work, believe me. You have to want sobriety and until then no matter what anyone says or what Rehab. Center you may go in, long term sobriety will never happen until you have it in your heart to stop drinking and stop forever.
- It is really a hard thing to do if you fight it, but if you just look at your life and those around you that love you, sobriety will happen when you are ready and not before.
- Rehab. Centers are wonderful, but you have to stick to it even after being released and not think you can have a drink or two at a party, etc. You will relapse faster than you can shake a stick, as they say.
Anyone can stop drinking if you put your mind to it and think with a POSITIVE ATTITUDE that you will get and stay sober. Believe in yourself and love yourself enough to stop drinking.
When I first met my husband, he was a pretty heavy drinker. Well, one night we had plans and he blew me off. Needless to say, when he came over the next time, I had some pretty choice words for him. I basically made him choose me or the alcohol. He choose me. He wasn't an alcoholic at the time, but he was well on his way.
ReplyDeleteHello Stacy and thank you for your comment too. I am so glad you stood up and gave him the choice, you or alcohol, that goes to show you how much you mean to him. Great job and I am happy for you and him. God Bless and stay strong.You caught it before the addiction got out of hand!
DeleteI am one year sober in a few weeks. It's not something I ever write about on my blog but saw your post and thought I'd share. Living with an alcoholic is extremely difficult and because alcoholism recovery is so much more than just stopping drinking, usually the threat of a spouse leaving isn't enough. For me, rehab, therapy and AA have been the only way for me to stay sober. It's abstinence for life. Thanks for your post, obviously I totally relate.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's strongest addiction is cigarettes, and I can tell you that it's a daily battle for him. I'm sure alcohol is very similarly addictive. I can only imagine how strong your marriage is after surviving such an addiction. Kudos to you and your wife!
ReplyDeleteCari- Thank you so much for your kind words to me. I do have that addiction to cigarettes that I must try and stop. My wife tells me, If I could stop drinking alcohol then quitting smoking should be just as easy and she is right. I have to try hard. And yes our marriage has grown so much and now spend so much time together when before I spent all my time drinking alone. Take care and hopefully your husband and I will be able to quit smoking once and for all.
DeleteMark
@ MamaMarmalade- Thank you for reading and your comment and a HUGE CONGRATS to you on your one year of sobriety. That is wonderful!! I never went to meetings or AA etc, but I was lucky enough to be able to just go cold turkey, in which I might add, I was scared to death I would get sick from the abstinence of alcohol. I made it and you will see now just how fast the years will go by being sober. I felt like I have just stopped drinking and it has been over 3 years now. Keep up the great work and stay in touch .
ReplyDeleteMark